Rob Spalding

I am passionate about addressing etiquette between/among gay males and females within a society that is largely homophobic. I would like to tackle common, everyday problems like who picks up the check on a date or how to tactfully ask if a partner has been tested for STDs. My hypothesis: If same-sex etiquette has the same publicity and repercussions as heterosexual etiquette, homosexuals will be recognized less for their sexuality and more for their role in society.

First of all, I will need to define the term “etiquette” concerning my specific user group. As of right now, I am defining it as “considerably more than a treatise on a code of social behavior…for we must all learn the socially acceptable ways of living with others in no matter what society we move. Even in primitive societies there are such rules, some of them as complex and inexplicable as many of our own. Their original reason de’etre or purpose is lost, but their acceptance is still unquestioned” (Amy Vanderbilt’s New Complete Book of Etiquette). Despite her condescending and pretentious tone, Vanderbilt offers a basic definition with a key goal in mind: provide stress relief to demanding social situations by providing solutions that bolster confidence and put everyone at ease. Note that etiquette is used to maintain the socioeconomic status quo as it relates to behavior. Appropriately, etiquette is not innate—it is learned. Since most homosexuals were raised by heterosexuals, and due to the lack of homosexual role models within the media, what concrete examples do homosexuals have to follow other than their peers?

In my research on this topic, I will need to explore and define homosexual etiquette. Again, Vanderbilt has thoughtfully divided and categorized all possible situations at the time of publication (1967). Though it may seem outdated, her categories of etiquette are still relevant today and to my issue. Her content, however, is not.

1. Ceremonies of life

2. Dress and manners

3. Home entertaining

4. Household management

5. Correspondence

6. The family and social education of children

7. Your public life

8. Official etiquette for civilians

9. Travel etiquette for at home and abroad

During that research, I will be asking myself the following questions:

· How has etiquette developed and evolved in this culture?

· What is considered etiquette in this culture? (as outlined by the aforementioned 9 points)

· Who or what has perpetuated/passed on the etiquette?

· Who needs/wants/accepts/rejects etiquette in this culture?

· What does etiquette (discourage/encourage) in this culture and why?

· Is the culture’s etiquette recognized (internally/externally/both)?

· What social norms/codes does this culture’s etiquette (fortify/undermine)?

· How, how often, and why is etiquette in this culture revised?

How do I plan to gather data? Statistics for and discourse on homosexual life and culture are abundant. Additionally, New York has a wealth of organizations centered on gay culture I could speak with. I would also like to speak with my users, psychologists, sociologists, and heterosexual people who either accept or reject gay culture. I plan on reaching them through organizations and social networking. I could use surveys, sit in on group discussions, ask for internal statistics, interview, and do role-playing experiments to obtain necessary information (many of these are easier said than done).

People who have interest in my issue:

· Public health administrators and psychologists are already dealing with this “closeted” issue.

· Homosexuals and their families take pride in equality in the form of recognition.

· Heterosexuals recognize their own actions in homosexuals, helping foster equality.

· Etiquette experts who must be continually updated on social change can begin to integrate this issue into their curriculums.

· Churches, schools, libraries, hospitals, and other public forums can benefit from a social code that includes homosexuality.

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